those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
