I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
