I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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