I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
