I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize