I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize