good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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