theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
