i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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