I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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