You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
