I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?