I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was confusing and full of hummus
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.