remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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