Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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