How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.