I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
