I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
