you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
