i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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