I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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