you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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