party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
