It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
