It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize