anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
