no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
