he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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