oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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