what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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