there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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