Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize