my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
