I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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