i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
