why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
