i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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