my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
