Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
