So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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