do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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