i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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