I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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