I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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