That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
