Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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