Banned from zoo.
Again?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
