i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
