Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize