Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
