i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
