Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
