I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
