you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
