The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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