We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize