You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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