i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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