Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i permit you to call me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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