my mouth tastes like poor choices
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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